This blog is for anyone who could use a little shift in perspective. Teaching yoga and dance has been a great healer in my life, but like we all know, there is always more to learn, more to accept and love, and there is always more work to be done. Please reach out to me with your feedback, questions, and ideas. I would love to hear from you!
So, I’ve really been wanting to take my clothes off lately. In my house, in my backyard, in other people's backyards, at the beach, and during yoga, to name a few. “She is cray”, you might be saying to yourself or to your BFF, or to your dog, and though you may be totally correct in assuming so, that doesn’t make me want to take my clothes off any less. Hear me out.
Since I can remember, I have hidden my body. Really. I keep what’s hidden under clothes locked away tightly for not a soul to see. In fact, I am such a mcguyver of skin coverage, that it wasn’t until last year that ANYONE (including my ex-boyfriend and roommate of 5 years) saw me naked. You heard that right, my boyfriend of 5 years was not allotted the pleasure and love of experiencing his girlfriend in her full frontal truth. Like I said, Cover-That-Shit-Up-Master in the house.
I have been hiding my parts since I first sprouted parts! I have been keeping my secrets secret since Middle school! I was determined to hide them FOREVER honestly. I was so adamant about "clothing on" that I even chose my relationships through this route. Who will accept that I will never take my clothes off? He must be “safe” and “accept my flaws." But peeps, the safe guy is not the guy you want. You want the (guy) (human) (lady) Being who makes your whole body tingle when you look at them, who helps you evolve, who makes you feel giddy, and who introduces you to loving you at the level you deserve to be loved...which is unconditionally of course. If I could not love myself unconditionally, then there is no way I would consciously choose another human to.
I had never loved my body and therefore had always made the assumption that neither would anyone else. As any right minded person would gather, this is not a logical conclusion. I also hate pasta, but trust me, I do not think you hate pasta. Everyone loves pasta! See what I’m saying?
What I have come to understand, is that when we focus negativity toward something, it grows into more negativity, more pain, more anger, it gets created into something far worse than it ever was to begin with. This is how our brains naturally function. I began to hide my stomach in elementary school when I first started to be harassed for my weight. I noticed then that my stomach protruded forward and looked more like a pregnant belly than the belly of any of the other girls at school. My belly looked even less like the bellies in magazines, on TV, in music videos, or on the half-shirted teenage bared bellies that were so in style in 1995 at the Square One Mall. I did not have the right belly!
What is a right belly anyway? Here, I googled it for you...
“The abdomen contains all the digestive organs, including the stomach, small and large intestines, pancreas, liver, and gallbladder. These organs are held together loosely by connecting tissues (mesentery) that allow them to expand and to slide against each other. The abdomen also contains the kidneys and spleen.” www.webmd.com
So, if your belly has at least some of these organs and is held together by that gross word, I think you’re doing pretty damn well right now.
In all my misguided childhood glory, I started to cover my belly up. I would put something large like a sweater in my lap every time I sat down to hide away my rolls that seemed to stick out through my shirt. I would obsess over it when I was alone. I would pray for liposuction. My belly became my enemy. It became a source of hate and pain. But, the problem was not really my belly. I was my brain. Nothing was wrong with my body. I did not have any illnesses, diseases, or real pain that would have really been worthy of my attention. As time went on, I continued to obsess over my body and all it brought me was more obsession of my body. The more I focused on dislike for what I had, and wished to be thin, the more I would emotionally eat and delve deeper into depression, and the more I ate, the worse I would feel. This was a never ending cycle of pain and shame all because I was obsessing over myself. Where your focus goes, your energy grows. Through all the forms that my eating disorder took, whether I was starving and a tiny xxxs size 0 or overeating and bigger, the experience in my brain was actually the same. I was thinking, no, obsessing, about MY body. What. A Waste. Of. A. Good. Body.
Let’s be real here, our bodies serve a massive purpose and it ain’t to just be lookin’ cute. Our bodies allow us to enjoy life, create, and manifest the things that we need to do while we are on this earth.
What could you do if you did not have a body at all?
As a society we owe it to ourselves and to each other rise up. We need to start committing to more meaningful and more pleasurable experiences. We are wasting our time being stuck in our heads.
I NEVER thought I would want to be naked so much, but it IS happening and it is so freaking exciting. Feeling excitement to do something outside of my comfort zone is a mystical magical feeling that tops feeling shameful by about a gazillion. I am feeling grateful and lucky to have this body for only a short period of time, so I am going to embrace it and enjoy it while I am here. Someday, some lucky human is going to get to experience all of me and I will joyfully (with some big nerves) get to experience the pleasure that comes with being loved as I am and simply experiencing life as is it meant to be. Here’s to living it up and gettin’ nakey.
3 Tips on How To Get Out the Body Shame Cycle & Have The Best Day Ever
10 feminist & body positive podcasts- BUSTLE
Body Love Podcast Jessi Haggagerty (I was on this episode!)
feel good in your body
The Power of Mindfulness
Insta peeps to follow....
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving,” ~Kim McMillen
Here’s to filling ourselves up with the good stuff.
I am a love giving, yoga and dance teaching, peanut butter loving, cat lady, who advocates body empowerment, and is blessed to do what she loves everyday of her life.