TRUST, TRAVEL AND TRANSFORMATION
I am safe and sound and happy as a clam (or maybe an enchilada) in Morelia, Mexico, eagerly awaiting the rest of the yoga family to arrive and begin our journey of Mexican food and culture, self-discovery, and the grand finale: deep immersion in nature and the migration of the Monarch Butterfly.
Though the schedule is organized, the yoga is prepared, and the sleeping arrangements are all set, there is so much that is unknown. There is so much that will be revealed along the way. The most incredible times cannot be planned. The memories that stay with us for years to come happen through moments of magic that no one can predict now.
I believe it is these times that make life so damn wonderful. These are times of transformation and the possibilities are endless.
When I was 24, I moved to the state of Michoacan, Mexico to teach English as a Second Language. Well, not really just to teach English. I moved to escape my job at the Copley Plaza Truffle Shop, to escape living with my parents (oh how I wish I could go back in time!) and especially, to escape the dull day-to-day monotony of being alive. How silly of me! Oh to be 24 again (no thank you).
At the time, I believed that if I could just find the right place, I could finally have an amazing life, the best friends, and live happily ever after forever and always with rainbows and fairies and free healthcare. In my naivety, I chose to take quite a few risks. I moved to a country by myself that I had never visited and knew almost nothing about, I began a career (as an ESL Teacher) that was extremely foreign to me ( I graduated with a degree in Feminist Theory) and without much thought behind it, I changed the course of my entire life.
Life's funny like that. One day you are sitting in your kitchen drinking coffee and then next day you are eating tacos on the side of a road in Mexico living a completely different life.
Both lives are good. But choosing to enter the unknown most certainly expands the capacity of wonderment and possibility that makes the fruit of our lives that much juicier.
Sitting here under the full moon’s glow in the Casona Rosa foyer, I can’t help but remember these times in my past and see how much things have changed. I am an entirely new person, yet exactly the same. I am more grounded and aware of how I need to support myself on this journey, how I need to nurture my body as life changes, but I am the same. I am still seeking and questioning and wondering and looking for more. So much is bubbling to the surface as I begin to step into the unknown of my future. I am entering into the mystery of so many retreats, so much travelling, into the unknown of leaving friends and classes behind, and into the uncharted territory of what could happen to the relationship I am in as I choose to commit to living a not so secure life.
Playing like a broken record is the scratching of fear. It is the over-protective cognitive patterning that does not want me to grow or experience all that life has to offer. This feeling that thrives in consistency and structure and sameness, sometimes stops me from moving forward because it becomes so all encompassing. You see, I have (and I bet you do, too) all of these incredibly magical experiences that lie ahead, yet (in my humanity) here I am, as scared as a child with monsters under her bed.
In the past, this resistance has been paralyzing. “What if the trips don’t fill?” “What if the trips are horrible!?” “What if you fail?!!!”
The fear of failure is real as the moon is bright. We all get scared and nervous before we take that next big step, start a new job, a new relationship, or move to a new place. My revolutionary artistic dreamer of a mom always says that fear means you are going in the right direction.
Fear is the friend that visits before you grow. It’s the precursor to our spirit's evolution.
When we don’t step into the unknown, when we don’t take the scary as all hell chances, and when we live lives that feel “meh”, we are hindering any and all opportunities we have to make our lives meaningful and fulfilling. We are slowly suffocating ourselves when we deny what excites us. We owe it to ourselves and each other to at least try to take a leap of faith.
When I arrived to Casana Rosa B & B, I was met by an incredibly authentic artist and a savvy business owner. We spoke deep into the night about life, death, and everything in between. We sipped wine and I read tarot. We exchanged ideas about the ‘unknown’ and creativity and taking these leaps of faith. We lamented on political issues in Mexico and in the United States. We connected and bonded within minutes and it was then that I suddenly realized that I had come to the right place. I realized that this step into the undiscovered is continuously being supported in every moment and I am giddy like a schoolgirl to see what is in store for the upcoming week. The only thing that I know for sure is that I don’t really know what is coming and that excites the hell out of me. It reminds me I am on the right path. We have taken this chance to walk into the void, choosing to crush any future regrets, and we will most certainly majestically blossom on the other side. The only way out is through and the only place to go now is up. Like the Monarch butterfly, we are edging out of our cocoons, being transformed, and emerging again, newly enriched with the power of the unknown.