BORN THIS WAY: How Control Kills The Soul & Why You Need To Love Yourself Now (Lady Gaga, I bow to you)
Libra Full Moon // Friday, April 19th //2019
BORN THIS WAY: How Control Kills The Soul & Why You Need To Love Yourself Now
Lady Gaga, I bow to you.
About 7 years ago, I woke up one Sunday around 2PM. I was exhausted, wheezing, I couldn't breathe very well and my entire body ached like I had been run over by an eight-wheeler at a Monster Truck Rally. I honestly thought I was dying (and the truth is, I was.)
I couldn't wrap my head around what was going on with my body because I was 'sooo healthy and fit!'
I drank a green smoothie every morning, I worked out 6 days a week, I had infinite energy to give and give and give the world around me! How could I possibly be so sick!?
I had no choice but to begrudgingly make a trip to the doctor's office; my least favorite place, right behind dentist's office, on the face of this earth.
Fast forward to the diagnosis.
It was pneumonia. I also had a sprained SI joint (basically my hips and spinal column were inflamed beyond health) and lots of spurring in my spine. The doctor more or less demanded I stop teaching group exercise classes and I was devastated.
I am not here trying to get any sort of consolation or pity party or a tiny violin playing just for me, I mean, it was seven years ago! I am here to stress what's it like to be out of balance for so long, running on empty for so long, burning the candle at both ends, and for some of us, obsessing about our health to the point of physical, mental and emotional breakdown.
I was exercising too much. I was not eating enough of the right foods for my specific body. I was controlling my calorie intake and omitting almost all fats and carbohydrates. I was completely ignoring all requests from my body to slow the F down and rest. I badly needed a break from physical activity and all the doing. I had Orthorexia (look it up) which led me to Anorexia, which led to a cascading of physical and emotional breakdowns for years to come.
Even after I spent months bedridden, healing from illness, I still didn't get it.
It took about 3 years for me to even acknowledge that I was controlling my body and my life by restricting and resisting surrender. I was so eager to please the world around me, that I would do ANYTHING to mold myself into the version I believed society wanted. I slowly chipped away at my foundation, the core of my being, my authenticity and integrity, to please other people.
Here's the kicker. No. One. Even. Noticed.
What I mean by that is that where I had believed everyone was paying so much attention to me, where I'd believed I had to be a certain body type to be loved and where I had given up on ME never actually shifted whether or not other people loved me once I got well.
In fact, once I admitted I had been controlling my body to the point of hitting rock bottom, I was seen, loved and celebrated in a way I'd never experienced before. Or rather, I had never allowed myself to be so seen and so celebrated.
Being vulnerable, being MYSELF ( in every fucking way ) gave me the gift of FREEDOM.
When you give parts of yourself away to others ( and I am not talking about the energy of love - I am talking about the core of your being ), your soul dies a slow and painful death.
This Libra Full Moon reminds me of not only how far I've come in my Self-Love journey, but why I do what I do and share the way I do.
Because there is freedom, aliveness and joy on the other side of shame and resistance.
The Libra Moon calls for beauty and balance. Let's not get confused about that word 'beauty.'
Beauty is in every little 'imperfection' we think we have. Beauty is in the honesty of your word. Beauty is found in every tear, skin fold, pimple and scar. It is in how we interact with love, care for ourselves and empower and embrace others by the smallest gesture. Beauty is inherent in all of us. It is the perfection of our being that gives us so much magic. This kind of authentic beauty I speak of cannot be contorted, bent or controlled by our will. Instead, it's the blossoming that happens when we let go of the death grip we have on 'being' how we 'think' we should be (and sometimes this is more subtle and sneaky than we realize.) It's the same kind of beauty that exists in the divine, in nature, in the dew drop on a flower. It is a birthright and it is infinite.
We are all so much more incredible than we realize. There is potential and magnificence in our every breath and on this Full Moon in Libra, I won't let you forget it.
If there was every a time to surrender from the ways in which we are controlling the unfolding brilliance of our soul's journey, it would be right in this moment.
Join me for an exploration on Unconditional Love, Tarot & Yoga for the Full Moon in Libra. This is going to be a good one. Register here through PayPal or learn more below.
To love. To perfection in divinity (that's you, honey bunny.)
Baby, Your Were Born This Way.